If suddenly I feel guilty for enjoying my life, maybe it means that all the words that came out of my mouth, and those that came out of my fingers weren’t as true as I thought they were. This is my #1 theory. The second one is about me enjoying everything in an attempt of trying not to think over things a thousand of times (even if this doesn’t seem real right now). My mind has kept me finding ways out of him, with everything that implies this action. Well, “if you want someone to hug, someone to think about at night, someone to write love letters to, someone to kiss by the pool, someone to go visit you on depressing Sundays, someone to google when you are bores, well, finding that is a piece of cake!”

And YES it is. To anyone, that’s a bloody piece of cake. But a couple of months ago, when I could dedicate a song like “I could die for you” (RHCP) to “someone”… damn! I really felt it. And that kind of love can’t be replaced so easily. I mean, now, a couple of weeks after E V E R Y T H I N G ended, I can tell by sure that this wasn’t just love, only love. At all.

It was a complete mess that involved love, passion, madness, extreme desire of breaking all rules, of changing history, of not allowing distance breake a solid relationship, amongst all. But, without really thinking about it, now I’m talking in a past tense. (Wow). i wish that we could have acomplished everything we wanted, but we wasn’t strong enough to take everything a LDR means.

And now, well… life can’t be over at this point. MOst of the time I think (I know) everything is just starting. Life’s just starting and maybe everything I lived was to show me things are beautiful as long as they last alive, but fate is way stronger and sometimes you just have to give up.

As my beloved Julian Casablancas says, “you only live once”,  and I’ll do everything in my power to start feeling again, cos’ life, my life, is passing me by as I write this.

Love,

Romme.